Started and ended my day with visits from Valerie. We bullshitted, smoked cigarettes, ate goodies and watched last week’s tivo’d American Idol.
Spent most of the day quoting jobs and consulting. Updated a couple client sites and booked a new client, so I’m now booked through April 14th! Woo 
Had another rough day healthwise. Lot’s of twitching and painful muscle spasms, lot’s of wet cold/hot and crawling sensations, some swelling in hands/arms/face. Severe heaviness in both arms, jaw and right calf by the end of my work day. Something new, I’ve been slurring and having trouble swallowing alot. I think it must be because of the facial stuff going on- one side is a little slack and the other is a little poofy. So strange.
Mom says I am starting to sound like a hypochondriac. I am almost hoping that is all this is. Or at least that it will all go away this week so that I can stop worrying in the back of my mind that it wasn’t the wellbutrin after all. This is a time of great distress for me. Waiting. Will I be ok or will this just be the beginning of a really difficult journey for me. I’m optimistic but I won’t lie, I’m still scared too. I just expected everything to be over by now, at 22 days since the last dose.
Liana (the four year old) asked me today, “why are you always so sick momma?” and I had to work at not crying. I hate it. I did my best to spend some fun time with her after- I let her jump on my bed while we discussed her future career as a zoologist and how she believes in reincarnation and that she doesn’t want to eat meat anymore because she thinks it’s cruel to kill animals for food.
My house is stinkin’ filthy. I can’t even care right now. I can’t do it, and J has to work for a living. I hope he’ll do a good job catching up on housework tomorrow though, having a dirty house is uncomfortable for me for so many reasons. I’m beginning to hold it against him when I walk through the house and see the floors caked and counters caked and junk strewn everywhere and find him playing WoW. I know he needs to have some down time and some fun but I’m just too uncomfortable to do it so if he doesn’t then it won’t get done. Sucks to be needy.
Pushed through the day pretty good though - it was one of my most productive in a while. I’m going to attempt to help with housework tomorrow but am afraid to push it.
Had lot’s of great food - I think I gained a pound back today alone. I ate four cupcakes to myself over the course of the day! How wretched of me. Also had pastry for breakfast. Ha. And a bad ass reuban for lunch (thanks J!). And tri-tip, baked potato with sour cream, a nice salad and some fresh bread for dinner (thanks Dad!). And then later, I had sourdough rounds dipped in jalapeno artichoke dip too. So yummy. I could feel guilty but I don’t.
I’m pretty sure we are going to be having kittens in the house in a few months. Caught Nyxxie with the long haired (beautiful!) siamese from next door today. Oops. I can’t help but feel that a cat should have one litter of kittens before getting fixed. Probably stupid but I’ll make sure they all are well cared for, get chipped, fixed and find new homes! I want that long haired siamese.
I can’t remember if I posted here, it was probably before I started this blog, but our beautiful long haired siamese cat, Wookie, disappeared a while back and never came home. We all miss her despite the fact that she was a real stinker. Nyxxie’s baby daddy looks VERY similar. (I suppose she might not get pregnant since this is her first heat. But I’ll admit, I’m stoked.)
Oh and both Michael and Lillie are the top readers in their classes right now. I’m so proud of my smartpants kids.
Arms. Hurty. Off to bed I go. I really hope I don’t wake up in the morning like I have for the last several mornings - twitching and pissed. Sucks.
Life goes on…
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